Wednesday, December 5, 2012

for an illumination that remains

Dear Mother/Father God, O Great I-AM,

Come to me, infuse me with all that You are. Enter this body-mind, this personality, this seeming separate self that I take myself to be and infuse me with Your brilliance. Reveal to my conscious mind all that keeps me from the Wholeness of who and what You are and provide me with the wisdom, strength, courage, and patience to act on what I'm caused to know. Shine a light on the darkness inside that lingers, and heal the pieces I know not how to mend. I cannot do this alone. I've tried. My life up to this point has been a colossal trying and failing to live as the greatness I know I'm capable of if I'd fully know and trust myself as You. I am nothing without You, I know this. I know that were it not for Your grace, life as I know it would cease to be. You beat my heart, give rise to my breath, orchestrate and maintain all of the mental and physical functioning this body-mind lives. Any insight, any awakening, any physical or metaphysical comfort or gift that I've been given has come solely from You. And I ask You for more. There's so much more to be lived! There's so much more to be given to the world! Take my fears, deliver me of every false idea that keeps me hidden, angry, or in despair - in short, anything I've habitually picked up along this life path that keeps me showing up as anything less than a pure expression of unconditional Love. Deliver me of all I consciously or unconsciously carry that keeps me from living my life as YOU, the Way.

I can't keep living as I am. With all of my heart, I ask You to remove the little "me" I operate as - breathe Your holy Life, your holy Knowingness in to me and dissolve this ego, this fleeting mask I'm so in lust and hatred with. I give it to You - and I set this play-acting down. Identifying as this hapless character, this hopeless "me," leads only to misery, for myself and others. It brings me nothing of value, nothing Royal to bless the world with. Living as the man I think I am keeps me trying to create and solve things on my own. Not turning to You, Divinity Itself, leaves me stuck relying on my karma, my patterns, my own limited intellect. It leaves me attached to harmful, limiting beliefs. These give me nothing. Nothing! They leave me stuck in the mire of a sleeping human race.

Relying on my own devices, I continually procrastinate the Good away. Constantly, I hide, cower, deceive and manipulate. It leaves me quick to anger, and afraid. God, I am so, so afraid. And fear leads me to live less than Your best. It keeps me insincere, ungrateful. It prevents me from believing in the best of myself and others. It prevents me from taking the steps You've put the call on my heart to take. The fear is so pervasive that I don't always rest or rely on You - but hear me, God! - I am willing to! I'm willing to be consumed, devoured. I'm willing for this egoic personality structure to be dismantled. The self-centered "I" is unsustainable. It's a losing game, You've caused me to see this - I thank You, and I ask You for more. Wake me up! Shake me, Lord! Do whatever it takes! Use the world and its people to shake me awake. Use all my circumstances, my thoughts, my fears, my dreams - use these all as kindling to burn away the false mental covering that veils the God-Self.

I surrender my human mind to You. I invite my crucifixion, and beseech You my transcendence. All of my selfish wants and desires, I give to You. I invite You in with sincere heart, and humbly, I ask that You would remain. I know that You, the Most High, are incomprehensibly wiser, kinder, more loving and more nourishing for this world than anything I could think to provide or give on my own. I'm willing to be transformed. I'm willing to give up who I think I am and what I think I want so that the Divine can step in and shine where Your light is needed. I act like I know, I pretend like I know, and sometimes I even sincerely believe that I do know - but without You, without the blessing of Your Awareness radiating from me, AS me, I can't know, do, or be anything of value. Grow me, prepare me to serve. I'm in so much pain and I know it's because I've lived as this little "me" for far too long now, long past the recognition of Your anointment on my life. Embolden me to fully live, God. I don't know how to do it alone, though, so teach me! I'm willing to give up my dead, head-knowledge and so-called wisdom that I may be your instrument, your mouthpiece, your purest expression in the world. Use my voice, my mind, my entire being that I may be a light in this dark world - saying and doing only what You need spoken or done, as a blessing to my brothers and sisters. Guide my steps, impulses, and insights. Free me of the perceptual prison that would possess me to believe that I'm a certain man, born on a certain day to die a certain day, with a destined life in-between, full of sorrows and individual struggle. Enter me, enliven me, abide! Cause me to know that I know that I know that Who I Really Am is nothing but the purest expression of You - and that I Am Good. That my brothers and sisters are Good. That all of life is Good. That all is GOD. I ask you this with an open, faithful heart and soul.

Thank you, Mother/Father God.