Thursday, June 14, 2012

a widened look at love

You've asked for more clarity, and I am honored that you'd receive Me here again in this way. Your mind has questions. Let's see if I can point you to the answers that are already there, sitting safely in your heart's possession. Because you do know that this is all that's going on here, that that's all that's taking place. You (I AM) like pretending that you do not know, that it's all a mystery, that there is something more complex in operation. We both know better. But we go along with it - for the fun of it! For no other reason than "we" love the grand theater of "you and I."

As one of your American spiritual messengers has often said, "Personalities don't love, they want something."  This is true for the simple fact that the human personality, the egoic mind stream, is nothing but an illusory string of thoughts with separation and categorization at their basis. And there's nothing wrong with that, that's the great Leela. It's just not who or what you are. I think it's important we make that distinction. So that when I speak of love, it's clear I'm talking about your very nature. Not the selfish game that humans play, but love. Love, with a capital "L" - which is of another order entirely.

People have so many ideas about love - tragically romantic ideas that have nothing to do with the way things really are. They think it's the feeling of lust. Or of having their loneliness squelched. Or of finding the "perfect someone" who will be with them all the days of their lives, who will do and think and behave in the ways that are agreeable to them. When someone says they have found someone they love, oftentimes what's meant is that they've found someone they're physically attracted to whom also happens to agree with their personal stories about life and how things are. Some people have stories that are seemingly more altruistic than others, and of course, there are billions of different variations or takes on relationships and what people hope to gain from them, but it all comes back to what the separate "me" can get out of it - even if it's something spiritual and well-intentioned, as in: the prospect of growing and evolving together, for example.

The problem with most relationships is that people's stories are forever changing, and if you've approached your partnership with the idea that your so-called beloved is to bend to your will and/or consistently appear to you in the same way forevermore, you are destined to be disappointed every single time. People identify themselves as part of a particular relationship, and they literally stake their lives on it. They think, "I am this way and my partner is this way and together we are this way - and that means...whatever it means to that person. They take their roles so seriously, they make vows they have no way of keeping, and then blame the other or themselves when life shows up differently than they imagined it would or should have. They take it so seriously that they will engage in acts of selfish, manipulative, dangerous, desperation if they feel their role is being threatened. Anything and everything from indulging in their own addictions to outright murder. Humans act out their fear and despair in so many ways - and all of it is a tantrum...the separate "me" not getting its way.

I say all of this to you not in judgment, but in the name of clarity. Because you can't choose to identify as something different until you've noticed what's been lived heretofore - and that's why I'm here: to help widen your gaze.

A wider gaze is what it's going to take if your life experience is to change. It's going to take looking at things, all things, really, from a larger perspective. It's going to take a step back from the role you've played and all of your habitual ways of reacting to things and people...and choosing again, choosing wiser. Not because what you've done up to now is wrong, because it isn't. It's just a matter of your conditioned reactions no longer serving you. You have an impulse to know something grander and you've begun to take note.

There are some things you're carrying around with you regarding the end of your marriage that I'd like to address. I've heard you say that you're angry over the fact you stayed in the relationship longer than you felt was right, after you felt it had run its course for your personal reasons, only to have the other person end it. And now, after this recent turn of events, you feel as if you've given the other person the upper hand. Which, I dare say, is another way of saying that you feel like a fool - which is yet another way of saying your feelings got hurt and your ego bruised.

With all due love and respect, I encourage you to set all of that down and walk away. Going over the specifics of your story of who did what and why, unless there is wisdom to be gained, is folly. I encourage you to look at what happened not to fan the flames of your victimized identity, but to notice the effects of the choices you've made and stories you've told. Yes, what happened wasn't fair. But your peace will never be found in the realm of fairness. It can only be found in the reality of What Is. And the reality is that you ignored My whispers to move on. You resisted when your heart was saying it was time to say goodbye. You tried to hammer a square peg in to a round hole and you suffered the consequences. But you see so clearly now! You can put down the hammer. You know now what to do! It's all about Consequence. It so clearly leads you to freedom. It's noticing the effects of your choices and thoughts. Do you see the pain you've unleashed on yourself in the aftermath of your lover's departure? The belief that it shouldn't have happened this way, the stories of their unkindness, their thoughtlessness, your mistakes, your failures, etc.? All of this anxiety inside and this person isn't even in the house! Who is hurting who here? Be honest. My precious child, your lover only has the "upper hand" because you've handed it over to them on a silver platter. You've handed over your power and your glory, with your incessant mental grasping at something and someone that you've known doesn't suit your best interests and hasn't for a very long time. Don't judge, just notice. Notice what this choice has cost you! Take a good, close look at what happens inside you when you re-tell and thus re-live the story of the unfairness and misfortune that has befallen you. Notice how you begin to treat yourself and the way you treat Life and how you treat this someone. You rob yourself of this state of grace, of these precious days of your life, mentally traipsing around in the life of this other soul. It is no wonder you feel as though you're falling apart - you're not being present in your own life to hold yourself up! And I promise you that no one - NO ONE - will ever love you or fulfill you in the magical way that you deserve, like you can - which is the best news you will ever get!

Knowing that your fulfillment is up to you and you alone is the most empowering of truths! It lets everyone off the hook, and it frees that energy up to be spent adoring the actual life that you DO have - the one that is right here waiting to be lived. Oh, the freedom! When you really get that your life experience is your responsibility and yours alone, you have a renewed sense of power and adventure. You see the uselessness of wondering what someone else is doing, thinking, feeling, believing. It's none of your business! Allow this person their path. Allow them to go and do what they feel is in their best interest - because I promise you that it is. It could be no other way. They simply wouldn't be doing it otherwise. Reality, God, Source, Allah - whatever name you know Me by - I promise you, I know just what I'm doing. Maybe this person will return, maybe they won't - but this too is none of your business. Despite your history, this person and what they do in this world is not your business - and it truly never was. Not if your goal was peace. Your business, your work, your privilege is to inhabit your present moment as richly and fully as you can. Is it ecstasy you're after? A soulmate? Perfect - you're the one! You eat your favorite foods, watch your favorite movies, read your favorite books, be with the people that you love, who stimulate you in every possible way. Spend the hours and days of your life doing the things that make your heart sing. I'm not speaking just to you, but to everyone, single or otherwise. When you live your life knowing that you are a child of the most high God, that there is not one aspect of you that is in need of repair or saving, then you become immune to the enslaving death-traps that humans inadvertently create their relationships to be. You no longer need the approval of others. You don't walk around on egg shells, you don't mold yourself in to who you think the other wants you to be. Because you really feel that you are whole unto yourself - which you are. And when you reach that point, you begin to live a much more authentic life. You respond in the moment with what is true for you - no more, no less. And if a certain someone doesn't like it or understand it and chooses to walk away, that's okay with you, because you're armed with the knowledge that Who You Really Are is alive and well, untouched and in no way diminished by whatever human comings and goings may happen to take place. You're then freed to love another, in no matter what form of relationship - friend, relative, partner - wholly, from the heart, without need or expectation. You give of yourself because you truly want the other to have what you offer. You listen because you honestly want to hear what they have to say. You do what you do now, because you're inspired by Love - with a capital "L" - to do it. No longer will you do things with the secret hope of getting the other to react in ways you hope they will. You act with pure heart because the Love in you naturally moves to act in whatever way it does. This is what your heart cries out for! Not one certain person, not all your personal demands being met - but Love!

It sounds wonderful, yes? And it is! But you are where you are. Yes, I can speak to you about experiences of which you've only had glimpses - and I will! I can wax to you poetic for ages on what the human heart is capable of - and believe me, I will! But none of it means a thing. No words, no teachings, no spiritual concepts or promises mean a thing unless they're lived. They can light a fire in you. They can show you the way. But that is where their power ends. The game-changer lies in you.

The most important thing I've come to share with you, to remind you of, is how very okay you are. Perfect, indeed! Another one of your spiritual teachers likes to say, "You can't get it wrong and you never get it done." And doesn't that take all the pressure off? Really soak that one up - you can't get it wrong. There is not one certain way that things should be unfolding - that is, other than how they are unfolding. I've heard you say how hard it is for you to let go of this person, how hard it is to move on. So I say to you: stop trying. Just...stop. Stop trying to get this person out of your system. Stop trying to make the hurt go away. I'll tell you again: your freedom is found in the facing of your emotions. That's where you'll find out what's beyond it all. So let that discomfort, and that pain, and all that misery you admit you're more than a little charmed by, be there. Embrace it - all of it. Sit and allow it to course through your veins. In the same way that I encourage you to let this lover of yours be on their path, I now encourage you to allow you to be on yours - and that means stop running away from it. Stop thinking that there's a right way to go about this and that you're somehow missing it. Stop trying to let go. Stop all the spiritual techniques. Stop looking for relief. Stop thinking there's a need to be spiritual or kind. If you're jealous and hurt, feel that! If you're lonely and sad, feel that! Trying to pretend you're at peace when you're not is useless - as is beating yourself up for thinking you should be something different than you are in the moment.

I tell you this: honoring the feelings that are inside you, letting them be what they are, even with as hateful or petty as they may get sometimes, is the most enlightened thing a soul can ever do. No matter how nasty, no matter how elegant; it doesn't matter - embracing what it is true for you in the moment is all you're ever called to do. That unconditional embrace is Love. All the effort you expend trying to get or change or do is the very thing that veils your inherent peace.

Love isn't something that you do - it is Who You Are.

It is what I Am. So rest in Me.

Always You(rs).

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