The morning brought with it changes today - inner shifts, realizations. With a lone conversation, with words I wrote, with inevitability, it hit me that Silas and I broke up.
We've only been in each others' lives for just under a year; it isn't as if we were some long married couple. We hadn't even shared a Valentine's Day. But what a soul can do for another in such little time! Nothing's tidy or without its flaws, but I think our time was as close to pure as it could be. As close as two humans could have it be so.
Our friendship isn't over - but the course we thought we were traveling, is. And I think that's what my tears were about. The visions of what could have been. As much as I try to live in the present, I can't keep those dreams from appearing - and some of those dreams were sweet. These are what the tears let go of.
Such a gorgeous mirror he is! Such a teacher in he I've had, and have!
Byron Katie was once asked about her thoughts and emotions, and whether or not she cries sometimes. And she said she cries quite often - but only experiences her tears as Love, as gratitude. No longer fooled in to believing her stories about what she's experiencing, without any judgments, nothing but Love is left. And I get that now. I refuse to judge neither he nor I for what we did or didn't do; I couldn't, because I just don't see it that way. There's nothing either of us should have - or could have - done differently. So, when those stories and visions arise in the mind, as I'm sure they will for awhile, I'll just say "Thank you."
Just Silas-tears come to say "hello."
Just Love doing what It does.