You've called for me again, in your quiet way. As always, it's a privilege to come to you in the form of these words, with these reminders that you sometimes seek.
From out of the metaphorical darkness, you step out from your comfort zone and brave the unfamiliar. In fact, quite a lot lately. As you do, age-old thoughts surface, the nervous system does its work, its exhaustive dance. And yet, all the while, midst the fear and discomfort, you've remained Whole - have you noticed? Have you taken the time to really, really see that? Have you overlooked this awesome fact?
My precious one, what causes you your greatest suffering is your indulgence in thoughts of past and future - especially those that pertain to your social life. That is a favorite of yours.You dream up monsters from momentary perceptions, and you give them a supposed life they do not have. They are mental phantoms that you inadvertently concoct and allow yourself to be haunted by. Haven't you ever noticed how much kinder the living are, as opposed to the fictitious characters you've remembered and projected in to the future? Haven't you ever noticed that in both memory and anticipation, a person's emotional effect on you is greater than in your present moment physical interactions? Haven't you ever noticed that your mental ghosts assault you over and over, while the real-life versions simply did what they did - which, even at their cruelest, was their best, I might add - once, disappearing in to another Now? This is Grace. All that's needed is to notice and embrace it.
I've watched you. These last couple of weeks as you've been attending classes, being among strangers, befriending a new soul, and reconnecting with an old one - and I have been proud. Not because these are things that you "should" be doing. Not because the non-doing is "wrong" - for there is no such thing. Only choices made. I'm pleased and delighted with your actions because they make up a path that you've chosen to take - and you're taking it. You've not only listened to your heart, but you've begun acting on what you've heard. It's not been easy for you. I've seen the way you've agonized over the things you've said and the way you've said them, and most useless of all, how you've imagined they were received. And quite a few times you've wandered near the brink of sadness. I'm inviting you now, again, to be done with that. I'm inviting you to let yourself off the hook, to lighten up! Your job in this world as a soul - and as a friend - is to be the best of who and what you are. It is to abide in the present moment as consciously and kindly as you can. That's it; that's all you ever have to do. Period. Don't you love the simplicity of that!? Be done with non-existent pasts and futures - only visit them for the joy of it! Be done with your imaginary versions of the people in your life - only interact with them for the joy of it! Worry not how you are received by others - it's none of your business, it's not your work. It matters not what they think of your body or life situation. It matters not if they find you charming or repulsive, brilliant or insane. None of it has got a thing to do with you. You worry that you don't look right. You worry that you've said the wrong thing or in the wrong tone of voice. You worry that you'll not be found interesting or attractive or good enough in a multitude of ways. And I'm telling you that those things just don't matter. What matters is what's in your heart as you act in the moment. What's the intention behind that smile you gave? What's the intention behind those words you spoke? That's all you need question. You're not in their lives to say all the right things, to make all the right moves, to delight them in every way. Your job is not to entertain them or measure up. Your job is to be kind and honest. Your job is to tap in to the Love that you inherently are. You'll not always be as kind or as good or as brave as you want to be. There will be times of misunderstandings and ugliness, cruelty and despair. But if that's your best, if that's all that you can see, then worry not what comes next. Grace offers you a new Now to choose again. Worry not about those awkward pauses, worry not that your tastes are not the same, that you're boring or confused. Your heart is what makes this world go 'round. Remember that in your anxious times. See those nerves as the passing rain. Momentary darkness that veils a never-parting sun.
You fear the opinions of others, of not measuring up, of being somehow wrong - but as I've told you, and will continue to tell you until the end of supposed time, you are an expression of Source, of the Tao, of God...of Me. And as such, you are inherently perfect. In this dream world of relativity, yes, there are kinks and nightmares, and there are things to be worked on and chosen, but Who You Really Are is boundless. Remember this as you go about your days. Remember this as you're feeling your face turn red, during your awkward pauses, and the tightening of your chest, as you feel the urge to run. Remember this as you're feeling alone or inadequate. Worry not, for these are only My momentary songs. Sung and let go of. Remember that you are not here to please another soul in this world. Your work is to be the best of who and what you are.
You say what you say. They will say what they say. And so forth. There is no great mystery. There is no formula for how it should be done. It is Life unfolding. You're there because you want to be. End of story. Let the burning cheeks be. Let the unknown remain unknown. And when the class or day is over, when their car drives away or they walk out the door, let them go; send them away with Love, knowing that you brought them what you knew how to bring - the most valuable thing that you're able to offer: Yourself doing the best you can. That you're there attempting friendship, courting Life, is what matters - and in their souls, the radiation of your Heart is what they'll carry with them, whether they are able to recognize it consciously or not. You are incomprehensibly loved, not only by your friends, but enemies and strangers alike. It can be no other way.
I promise you this: there will come a so-called time when you'll see the truth of Life so clearly, that you'll uncontrollably laugh and joyfully weep at discovering, at remembering again, that all you've feared and loathed, was You...Us...all along. A literally unthinkable surprise!
Keep doing what you're doing.
Maybe even sing louder. ;-)
All my love,