In the less than two months since I last posted about Silas, we've reunited, and been spending a lot of time together. While our first round was a little bit bumpy - which I take most of the credit for - our second go-around has been much, much smoother. Both of us now willing to readjust our individual speeds and expectations - just a little bit, really. Nothing extraordinary. Just enough for us to move closer to where the other one is at; just enough to perfectly align.
I've begun to open up again. Earlier this year, I came upon s sense of confidence, that I just as quickly shook myself out of. But, as I've begun to venture out again, that sweet momentum has started to return - surprise, surprise. I can't explain the "why's" of it - not that they matter right now. The opening up is what's important. As I've spent this time with him, I've ventured further. As we've laughed, watching television and clowning on each other, as we've picked up things for his new apartment, as we've gone grocery shopping together, as we've mixed with his friends and strangers, as we've mysteriously started using the pronoun "we," as we've told stories of necessary pasts and a shiny, joint future, as we've promised to be our own versions of True...I realized I was ready to open up and play the game. I realized that dragging hesitation is no longer my "correct." There are new facets to be lived, and lots of new ground to cover. I have that inner "all's a go!" that wasn't there before, showing up in its own, right time - come to let me know that the time has come to cover.
I'll be a boyfriend. I'll be a partner.
But I'll never promise a "forever."
Just a loving, loyal, honest Now.
It's something beautiful we are.