Thursday, August 18, 2011

onward and upward

I can't really say for sure. Maybe it's the "0" on the end that has me feeling like anything is possible. Zero represents nothingness after all - a vast, empty, field of Potential. With the now-gone "9" no more, its symbolic bulk has been released. Or maybe it's the "3" that comes before it, reminding me that I have three decades of accumulated trial and error under my belt to accompany that potential, sure to come in handy. But whatever the reason, 30 hasn't bummed me out like I imagined it might. I had some minor qualms beforehand, content to skip the day altogether, but in my first few days of wearing the number, it's been great.

I've never had much reaction to birthdays, not caring about the numbers. (Except for 27 which just sounded extraordinarily old to me.) But this one "feels" different. With 30, I feel like I've been granted a fresh slate. With 28 and 29, thoughts of how I'd wasted my 20s loitered in my mind, but with this new 30, it's like I've been given a whole new decade to thrive in. It's not about what I didn't do, anymore. From now on, the questions to ask are, "What will I do now? Who will I be today? What can I do from here? What's next?" It's "onward and upward." I really didn't expect such a shift in attitude from a simple change in number, invisible to the eye. But I do. And I refuse to let go of it.

2 comments:

  1. Nice take on the fear of getting older. Most people submerge themselves in their missed opportunities, fear of the future. But it's good to hear that you are seizing the years to come with open arms. Can't go too far with baggage, it will weigh you down everytime. Not sure if that's a quote from somewhere but I like it. :)

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  2. You are right on. I've done that submerging. I'm ready for the air. :)

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