Wednesday, July 13, 2011

go away

I walked in to someone's space not long ago, admittedly uninvited, just to say "hello," to see what was going on. After a couple of minutes of chatting, the person breezily turned away from me, and said "Go away. I need to..." Go away. Just like that. It wasn't personal and it wasn't said harshly; it was just said...bluntly. This wasn't the first time this scene had played out. And both times it struck me as dismissive, the curtness of it, the turning away. I thought, "Well...that was rude." That was my initial reaction. But this last time as I left the person be, all I could find was humor. I suppose it's Inquiry taking hold; I don't know. I just can't look at my thoughts in the same way. A little spike of annoyance rushed through me as the thoughts came, "They should be more sensitive. They shouldn't be so rude." But as I thought over the person's simple words, I had to laugh! All they said was, "Go away. I need to..." I realized quickly that all that took place was a person telling me they were busy and that I wasn't wanted in their presence right then. Period. Nothing personal there. Just a loved one honestly telling me what they want from me in the moment. Just a loved one going about their life. The mind swooped in telling me what it meant, though, how it should have been different, etc. - and that was where the twinge of irritation came from. Not their words. Amazing!

One of my most well-rehearsed, clung-to stories of all is the tale of how I'm a guy without direction. The guy without a purpose. Well, here came God disguised as this loved one, telling me exactly what to do and where to go in that moment: away. All the person did was tell me where I wasn't supposed to be in that moment - so clearly! How else could I have known? Where am I supposed to be? Not there. So I'll walk away. That's my purpose. Isn't that weird? I sit down. Or I read a book. Or I pee. Or I fill my green plastic cup with ice and pour a Diet Mountain Dew over the pile of cubes, and take a drink. Simple as that! That's my purpose - until Life would have me do otherwise. That's my purpose - it's what Is in this Now - and is eternally that easy to find and decipher.

Taking thoughts and people's words or behavior so personally doesn't serve me one iota. And to do so is, I think, an innocent misunderstanding. Approaching them as manifestations of the Divine, all sent as clues, all sent to guide this so-called "me" to what comes next - now that's exciting! That sounds more like it. Life shows up and I don't need to know what comes next. It will lead me this way, it will lead me that way. And none of it is personal. Amazing!

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