Saturday, May 7, 2011

just so we're crystal

Just so we're clear: I don't know shit about shit. Sifting through, and finding order in, my own drama is hard enough - and I could so be doing a better job. If you think I think you're making the wrong choices or that you're even capable of doing wrong, I have to tell you that...you're wrong. :-) Because the truth is: I don't ultimately believe in "wrong." Or "right." I simply believe in choice and consequence, that's it. I believe in present moment What Is-ness. And as far as I can make out, the present moment does not allow for right or wrong, only the unfolding of Reality. Our mental stories are what make things appear otherwise.

Do I disagree with you sometimes? Yeah. But it doesn't mean anything. It isn't personal. It's only because I happen to be telling myself a different story than you are, and I allow myself to get overly invested, swept away. Sometimes I look at the choices you (or anyone!) make and I want to jump out of my chair and say, "No, no, no! Here, check this out. I've got a better idea, let me help you fix this!" And from the bottom of my heart, I'm so sorry for the times that has happened. And for the times I've sighed in frustration or rolled my eyes when something you said about your world or the people in it rubbed me the wrong way. All I can say is that I've temporarily fallen asleep. I've temporarily confused myself, mentally stepping in to your business, mistaken, thinking I could know better for your days than you do.

Please believe me when I say: I do not know better; I know that I do not know better. I'm sorry for acting like I think I do. In my best moments, at my most enlightened, I know that your life and those who are in it couldn't possibly be doing a more brilliant, beautiful job. I mean that. Maybe there are "problems" but there's nothing for me to "fix." There's nothing that I - or even you - need to change. Not unless you're just organically called to something on your own. The Universe is setting things up for all of us just right, so it's not for me to say what you should or should not be doing. I apologize that I don't always live that way. I'm sorry that I've made you feel like you're incapable or a failure, bless your heart - because there is nothing further from the truth. And in the future, should I step in to your business or offer "help" that wasn't asked for, just know that I've lost clarity for a spell, and that I'm sure to wake up again soon. I'll soon be clear, and able, to Love you again.

7 comments:

  1. I LOVE THIS! thanks for saving me the trouble of writing it. now I will just forward this as appropriate, and say "ditto".

    :)

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  2. yeah..channeling this my own damn self. optimism is probably unwarranted, but if i could just remember to hush once in a while...

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  3. been thinking even more about this, and it occurs to me that even criticism, eye rolling, and thinking we know better is part of a grander design, and who are we to judge that? I'm intrigued by the idea that even eye rolling is Love In Action - that since there is only Love here, it's all Love, sometimes more deeply disguised than others, but Love nonetheless.

    at the level of the soul, I don't think there's a rule that says clarity or kindness are superior to confusion or unkindness, although the personality level might disagree heartily with that.

    I know that idea is pretty out there, but that's what I'm thinkin' for now. An eye roll could be the very thing that triggers an awakening...

    :)

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  4. Yes! Ooh, I like this. We can't, on the Soul-level anyway, say in one breath that Love/Oneness is all there is and in the next breath say that something unkind or even "evil" isn't a part of that Love too. It's an impossibility. What kind of Oneness is it if there's something that is less than It, or not worthy of being included in It? I think you're right on: the eye-rolling, the impatience, the impatience with oneself for doing the eye-rolling - all of it! All of it is fodder for our enlightenment. It's all designed to wake us up. It could be "out there" - but of course, I'm feelin' you.

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  5. I love this, Jeff. Thank you.

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