I've been on Blogger since 2009, but until yesterday hadn't told any family members about this blog. Only friends. Partly because I assumed disinterest on their end, but mostly because I wanted something that was just mine. In a sheltered day-to-day world like the one I've created here, with so few comings and goings and with so few departures from the norm, it's easy to become stuck. It's easy to adopt a role, practicing certain ways of being until eventually it's who you take yourself to be. And the ones around you see you and make the same mistake. My Circle can't help but look at me and see who I was before. My neuroses, idiosyncrasies, things I've done before today. Which wouldn't bother me so much were I better established in new patterns of conducting and seeing myself - but I'm still cultivating those. My so-called "best self" is in his infancy. So in the meantime, I just wanted a place that could be as free as possible from perceptions of me tainted by the past. But as I'm typing this, I'm seeing how crazy that is - I have my own! And besides, their perceptions of me are none of my business. As always, regardless of them or anyone, my work is simply to align with my own best vision. That's all that matters.
As soon as the words left my lips, I felt immediate regret for having told someone so near to me that I have this place. I always knew it was out there online and free for anyone to see. I always expected they'd read it someday. And that's cool. I'd love that my loved ones would care to read what I have to say. I just didn't realize I'd feel so exposed at first. I didn't realize that I'd actually question what I'd say when I knew that people so intimately near me might be reading. But a little time has passed, and I know that nothing's going to change. It's still my place and still beneficial to me. I'm still flawed and imperfect. Still amazing. Nothing has changed and it's very interesting to notice. There is nothing that's a secret - nothing that need be hid.