Sunday, February 13, 2011

the 1st 90 days

I love to plan. I'm a big list-maker guy. The trouble is that I enjoy that part of the equation so well, that a lot of the time, I fail to keep on keepin' on 'til I hit the other side. I adore the visualization of things, but for whatever reason (and there are a few I tend to choose from - certain stories I tell at certain times, but I won't get in to those just now), I end up stopping myself before things can really get good.

I'd like not to do that anymore. The story of my life could be so much more expansive than I've allowed it to be. I'd like to cut through all of the self-defeating BS and get on with things.

One of the biggest things that's held me back through the years is my relationship with the body. I've struggled with my weight (read, my thoughts about my weight) since I was a pre-teen. When I look back at old pictures, I think it's so crazy how I thought of myself as fat when I clearly wasn't. And as I've been in seclusion these years, the weight has climbed back on. I didn't feel particularly motivated to take care of myself when I knew I wasn't out in the world. No one sees me, so who cares? was sort of my mindset. But I see how messed up that is. I see me. I breathe through my lungs. I inhabit this precious vehicle. I am worthy and reason enough to treat my body as respectfully as I can.

So I've got a plan. A total body makeover. One that ditches the fat and brings about strength, vitality, agility, and an endless parade of those invaluable endorphins. Simply put, I want my body to be as healthy and strong (and sexy, yo) as it can possibly be. I'm not looking to be a GQ model. I don't want to be some skin whore up in the gay club. And I'm not trying to look like some ideal Someone. Comparisons are useless; I just want to be the best, healthiest, happiest person that I am capable of being. The best me to ever walk the planet.

I've lost weight before using Medifast as well as with the Power 90 program. So I'm going to use these tools again. I thought I'd break this thing up in to 90 day phases. The first 90 days I used the low-cal Medifast and occasional exercise. Last week I hit my first 90 days and I've lost 51 pounds. I thought for this next 90 days I'd begin Power 90, but honestly, I just couldn't get in to it yet, and I didn't want to force things. So I'm going to continue to do Medifast and just step up the exercise. But for the 90 day block following this one, I really want to start Power 90 because I know how important building muscle is - and I know from experience how great it can feel. I'm not getting enough calories right now for all that exertion. For now I'm just gonna do the cardio and burn off the fat and I'll focus on the strength training later.

So far, so good.
I'm feeling good about it.
Here's to moving beyond daydreams!


  1. Bravo! for wanting to feel good. And bravo for not making yourself do something you knew you weren't lined up with yet.

    Your success is assured :-)

  2. I knew it would be counter-productive to try and drag my ass through the motions.(Lord knows I've tried plenty of times! And it just doesn't work.) The joy's got to be there. Aligning with it makes all the difference! Thanks for the love!

  3. isn't it funny how the only thing that always ever works is love and yet it's so easy for some of us to give it to everyone but ourselves when we're the first people we should give it to, because you cannot give what you don't have. I'm very proud to know even this little bit of you, Jeff.

  4. here's to choosing fun over force! congrats, Jeff. :)

  5. @Karen: Fun over force - I like that!

    @Tracy: Thank you for your kind words. And I agree with you, self-love is most important. It's that airplane oxygen mask philosophy.