Thursday, November 18, 2010

easing up/engine to turn

I'm reminded by Abraham all the time of the value in having fun and the wisdom in savoring the joy of each experience. I'm reminded to follow my bliss. I'm reminded by all of my teachers to keep present and to live life where life is. And I get that; I see it; I have shining hours where I actually live that wisdom. But there are always these times when I hit sticky patches - the difficulty with the medical coding course, for example, and all of the patterns of thought in general (and there are plenty!) that don't serve me or that are not at all what I want to be about. And when I get to these places, I'm not always as mindful as I could be. I don't rely on my inner knowing. I don't take my troubling thoughts to inquiry. I don't trust in the Universe. I get lost in ego where fear is all that can operate and then I beat myself up for not using all of the psycho-spiritual tools that I've learned through the years.

And I just wonder how many times it's gonna take. How many times will I be seduced by maya? How many times will I react out of fear? I've been thinking about last Saturday's post and how big a deal I can make out of things, where if I'd just get out of my own way, all would reveal itself to be just fine without my fussing.

I've thought about it, though, and realized that it just doesn't matter how many times I lose sight of Truth. I like the proverb that says: "Fall down seven times, stand up eight." It's really that simple. It's doing my best and just easing up. Truth is always right here waiting. My Well-Being, my connection to what is known as God, is assured. I'm gonna screw up sometimes. And sometimes I'm going to believe myself lost. But I've not ever stayed lost. I always see again - and that's our saving grace: that Who We Really Are doesn't hide from Itself forever.

I'll come back to it and back to it for as long as I need to.

I recently found Tift Merritt and have really been liking her tunes. The spirit of this song just lifts me up and seems to tie in.




"Engine to Turn"
by Tift Merritt

I don't know how to fix the world
I don't know how to fix myself
Seems like we both need some love
Seems like we both need some help
Maybe you could fix it with might
Maybe you could just stare it down

Seems like some tenderness
Could turn the whole thing around

I'm just tryin' to get the engine to turn
I'm just tryin' to smile through my tears

And I still got so much to learn
But the best I can is what I got to give
Gonna give it while I'm here

Most days I wanna speed up
Seems like I ought to slow down
Maybe the pieces are here
If I just took a good look around

Maybe the world feels like me
Wishing someone would sing it a song
'Bout how there's a lot of good here
'Bout how it's done nothing wrong

I'm just tryin' to get the engine to turn
I'm just tryin' to smile through my tears

And I still got so much to learn
But the best I can is what I got to give
Gonna give it while I'm here

Sometimes there's a choir in my head
Singing at the top of their voice
Singing at the top of their voice

They sing:
"Don't look back"
"Don't be scared"
"Don't be scared"

I'm just tryin' to get the engine to turn
I'm just tryin' to smile through my tears

And I still got so much to learn
But the best I can is what I got to give
Gonna give it while I'm here

2 comments:

  1. I read this yesterday and let it perculate (your posts have this way of staying with me long after I read them). My thoughts are that perhaps a measure of progress is not that we still have these times of sticky patches where we don't take troubling thoughts to inquiry, but the stretch of time that happens between them. Hypothetically, maybe five years ago it was ten times a day and now it is one....there is a measure of progress.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Excellent, excellent point! You're right. There was a time when I was completely blind to my power. So each time that I exercise it, each time that I do see what I'm doing, each time the space between rough patches lengthens, there is cause to celebrate! There IS progress. Thanks, AMR!

    ReplyDelete