Tuesday, September 28, 2010

me is hopeless

The egoic body-mind that I take myself to be will never...

...find a lasting, unwavering sense of connection.
The body-mind's nature is divisive. It seeks to compare and make different. It isolates, contracts, and defines. As long as there is an ego believed to be in operation, its sense of separation - and traces of loneliness - will persist.

...accomplish all of its dreams and live "happily ever after."
The body-mind seeks to perpetuate itself. It looks for projects, ways to keep busy, ways to improve upon the reality of what is. It is terrified to sit still in contentment, to abide in the present. It knows that in the Now, it cannot survive. Without anything to "fix" or chase after, it's out of a job. Finding reasons to be unhappy, and the need for new goals or improvements keep it intact. 

...truly, unconditionally love.
As Byron Katie says, "Personalities don't love - they want something." The personality, or body-mind in other words, is designed to be self-serving. It's designed to maintain a solitary - yet illusory - position of power. The total embracing and acceptance of others - or of reality, for that matter - is beyond its capability. Yes, the personality is capable of greatness. Of compassion. Of generosity. Of service. But these are gifts of Grace...not the ego. Love is all-consuming. It envelops light and dark and holds them as One - something the egoic self cannot do. It is not able to see past its concepts; its views of life are tainted, limited by its perceptions of duality and separation.

...be loved or understood for who it imagines itself to be.
Whether it's despised or worshiped, it's the other body-mind that is telling its own stories with its own mental concepts - and none of it has to do with the truth of what this personality actually is.  Being understood or cared for is an inside job. Only the mind can know and appreciate itself.

...never reach a state of unending peace or enlightenment.
Enlightenment Is. It's not something that the body-mind can do or achieve. Seeking enlightenment is just another one of the ego's strategies (perhaps its most cunning of all) to prolong its reign. As long as the body-mind believes in its own existence, it will do whatever it can to sustain maya - while at the same time, genuinely believing it's on the search for peace. Although it looks for it, hopes for it, prays for it - peace would be the ego's undoing, and is therefore nothing it will ever have.

This egoic body-mind that I take myself to be, that I am so terribly invested in, that I desperately glorify whether I want to admit it or not - is a mirage leading nowhere; its tricks, seen through. Identified as this personality, I know it won't last. I know that all of my clever, animated maneuvers are ultimately in vain. I know that this "me" I pretend I am, is nothing but a dream. I know this. And still...strangely, yet rightly so...I do not wake.


  1. A brilliant and thought-provoking piece, if a little pessimistic, perhaps?

    From what I gather, the idea of 'no-self' whether it is based in Buddhism or modern neuropsychology, does not render all our thoughts and experiences illusory. There is just no 'ghost in the machine', no 'self' driving the vehicle of the body. Rather, perhaps, we are a series of interconnections just as the universe is, and through those connections we can step beyond our narrowly-defined 'selves' and experience something greater, and Other.

    Wonderful stuff, though, truly!

  2. Yes, it is kind of pessimistic, isn't it? But I don't mean to invalidate or diminish our experiences. The ego's adventures might not result in a lasting...well, anything...but to me, they're still just as awesome and still as sweet.

    By illusory, I just meant that all of it is fleeting; that they are products of thought, and that we'd be wise not to cling to them.

    Thanks for writing, Finbarr.
    I appreciate your words!

  3. That makes more sense! I think we may agree, but perhaps use different langauage to describe the same thing.

  4. The ego can be tricky. I find sometimes if I give it a little bit of what it wants, almost homeopathically, it integrates well into the totality that is me. It is when I try to stuff it down, say it has no right to be or want this or that, that it takes over and becomes a monster.

    Excellent, though provoking words. Been meaning to comment for a few days. Sometimes I read on my phone and am all like, "I'll comment later when I'm at computer". Then I forget! Have a great weekend.

  5. Yes, it really is tricky! And I've found the same thing to be true: even though it's hard (for me, anyway), when you allow the monster to be what it is, it reveals itself as not a wicked thing.

    Thanks for the comment!
    You have a great weekend, too!