Sunday, October 11, 2009

back where i belong

I have felt relief since my last post and I'm thankful for that.

Now that the anger has subsided, I've been looking at this situation with curiosity. The puzzling thing of it is the fact that it's the second time that I've had a guy I care about up and vanish on me. It makes me wonder why. It makes me question what part I played in their decisions.

And then I'm reminded by Byron Katie that there are three types of business in the Universe: mine, yours, and God's. And every single time, that bit of wisdom brings me right back in to the Present and right back in to my own life, where I belong. It's a firmly gentle nudge reminding me to stop meddling in another person's mind - as if I have any power there, anyway! What they, or anyone, think of me, why they act towards me the way they do, and their conclusions of things are none of my business!

My business, my responsibility is how I conduct my own life. My job is to make sure that I'm being the kind of person that I want to be. Am I being the kind of person that a guy - or anyone - that I care about would want to spend time with? Am I being the kind of person who lives his integrity? Am I being my best self, my kindest self? Am I being honest? Only here can I find my power.

If I feel worthy of having someone in my life, if I think I'm so special and so cool as to be confounded when another leaves, then fine! Good! The only thing left to do is celebrate my coolness and be done with it. If I celebrate and trust, then it shouldn't matter why someone would choose to leave the party. The beautiful thing is that I don't have to.

Where they go is their business.
Where I go is mine.

And we'll end up exactly where we should.




2 comments:

  1. love this!

    am also reminded of a favorite byron katie-ism: You were spared!

    because a guy who would simply vanish is probably not up for the kind of intimate partnership that you desire.

    he gave you the gift of a quick release so you are free to attract the kind of relationship you really want.

    personally, I can't wait to see what comes next for you!

    :)

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  2. You are so right, my friend!
    That I was. =)

    ReplyDelete